We all walk through life trying to figure out how to do this thing called life. In recent years, the term “adulting” has come into colloquial vocabulary as the process of completing tasks of self-sufficiency and personal responsibility that are not regularly part of childhood. Adulting is hard. And in that process of adulting, so many people I talk with feel as though they’ve lost themselves. They feel like they’ve lost a spark.
You feel like you don’t know how to be real and authentic…or it feels incredibly scary.
I’m not sure if there are blog police, but if there are, they might come after me because I don’t have much to say here besides sharing the soft wisdom of The Velveteen Rabbit…
Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.
—by Margery Williams Bianco
There’s no magic in finding Realness.
It’s a lot of hard work and therapy can help. Therapy helps you dig into the stories with sharp edges that you tell yourself and the patterns that keep you stuck feeling broken.